i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
