One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
