I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
