Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
