WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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