Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
