worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
