I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
