my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
