I'm going to jail i love you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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