she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
