Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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