my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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