And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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