first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
