omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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