My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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