I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
