After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
