You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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