Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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