i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
