Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
