On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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