You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
