i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
