you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
