here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
