can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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