Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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