Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
