I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
