ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
