i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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