don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
