her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
