It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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