i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
