Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
