you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
