Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't turn off my feet"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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