I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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