His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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