Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize