we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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