I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How external is "for external use only"?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
