I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
