i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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