Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
