dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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