i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
