i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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