Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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