Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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