They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
