its not stalking. its research.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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