I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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