Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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