Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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