oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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