He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
